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TITLE: "You don’t SOUND disabled..."
So, a little background first.
My church has a finished basement with a huge kitchen and common area, usually used for after church coffee/donuts, and big community events. Underneath the back stairs, going into the storage space, is a little one person bathroom, meant for mainly people with disabilities and/or injuries, so they don’t have to go all the way back upstairs.
Onto the story.
About eight months ago, I had screwed up my knee pretty bad by landing very wrong on our trampoline, and was on crutches with a metal brace for a while.
So during one of our breakfast fundraisers, I was sat at the end of the food tables handing out silverware. (This is important, because everyone who came through saw and greeted me, including our EM.)
I decided I had to use the restroom, so I temporarily switch with my God Mom, and hobble my tall ass over to the bathroom.
Everything was fine for the first two minutes of me being in there, until someone knocks on the door.
Dialogue (approximately) as follows:
Me: Hello, I'll be out in a minute!
EM: shortly Alright.
(Mind you, I can hear her child whining about having to pee, and I recognize his voice. This is important later.)
A couple more minutes pass, and I’m just starting to get up, when she knocks again.
Me: I’m just getting up, one moment please.
EM: Can you hurry up?? My son has to pee, and we’ve been waiting too long.
Me: Ma’am, there’s bathrooms upstairs, this one is mea-
EM: I am NOT gonna walk up all those stairs (...literally one flight) to have him use that filthy bathroom! (They’re cleaned daily.)
At this point, I have my pants on, and I started to wash my hands. (This bathroom is small enough for me to stand without crutches, the walls and sink close enough for holding onto if necessary.) I sigh, not really wanting to deal with this any longer.
Apparently washing my hands was a no-no, because I hear the child whine again, and then comes:
EM: That water is making him have to pee even more!!!! You are TORTURING MY CHILD!!! Get out here NOW or I’m getting Father [my Priest’s name]!!!
I turned off the water and went for the paper towels.
Me: Ma’am, like I said earlier, when you rudely interrupted me, this bathroom is for the disabled. I know for a fact that you and your child are perfectly mobile..
EM: Then why are YOU in there??? You don’t SOUND disabled!!!
(...what does that even mean?)
That was the last thing out of her mouth before I opened the door, my crutches back under my armpits.
Me: Well, I sure FEEL disabled.
EM’s eyes widened, seeing my brace and crutches, and she grabbed her kid and bolted for the stairs.
I didn’t see her for the rest of the morning, and she still avoids me at mass to this day. It still makes me laugh.