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arpit_shah
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Quick question, who here knows what a Chicago sunroof is? Anybody? You, sir? No? Okay, true story, back home there was this guy named Chet. Now, Chet was a real asshole. He might've owed me some money, he might've slept with my wife before she became my ex-wife, the details don't matter. Sufficient to say, I was wronged. So, one summer evening I was out having a few drinks, one or two, maybe three, you get the picture. And who do I see? Chet. He drove up and he double-parked outside a Dairy Queen and went in to get some soft serve. Now, Chet drove - and this is to give you an idea of exactly what kind of a douchebag this guy was - drove a white pearlescent 7 Series BMW with a white leather interior. So I saw that thing, and I'd had a few like I said. And I climbed up top, and I may have... defecated through the sunroof. Not my greatest hour, I'll grant you that. But, that's what a Chicago sunroof is, now you know! It's a real thing, I didn't make it up, not the first person to do it, there's a name for it. Guy wanted some soft serve, I gave him some soft serve. I did not know his children were on the back seat. There was a level of tint on the windows that I'll maintain to this day, was not legal in an Illinois licensed vehicle. But somehow that's on me, I guess. Who leaves two cub scouts in a double-parked car with the engine running? Come on! Well, Chet was connected, you see, like Cicero connected. So usually I'd be looking at malicious mischief, public intoxication, disorderly conduct maybe. But he's got the D.A. saying "indecent exposure". Calling me a sex offender, what! One little Chicago sunroof and suddenly I'm Charles Manson? And that's where it all went off the rails! I've been paying for it ever since, that's why I'm here!