On my wedding day, my mom told my bride, No refunds, no exchanges on sale items. When I see lovers names carved in a tree, I dont think its sweet. I just think its surprising how many people bring a knife on a date. Husband looks at his wife in surprise, Wow darling, you look all different and nice today Is that a new hairdo? The wife hisses from behind him, Im over here, Arnold Doctor Youre obese. Patient For that I definitely want a second opinion. Doctor Youre quite ugly, too. Siri, why am I still single? Siri shows bank balance. Dentist warns his patient, This might be a bit painful. Patient Thats OK, I will handle it. The dentist sighs, For a while now, Ive been having an affair with your wife. I lent my girlfriend a lot of money for cosmetic surgery a while ago. Ive been trying to get it back now for weeks. Problem is, Ive no idea what she looks like now.